


never believe it's not so (it's magic, you know)

by komhmagnus



Series: inspired by 3b [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s03ep14 A Kiss From a Rose, Hurt Magnus Bane, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magic, Magnus Bane-centric, Magnus just wants his magic, Spoilers, fuck lorenzo rey bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-24 04:48:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18161672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komhmagnus/pseuds/komhmagnus
Summary: This yellow isn’t the blue he’s always associated with his own magic, with himself.





	never believe it's not so (it's magic, you know)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Magic by Pilot
> 
> I really wanted to avoid the angst because I'm suffering but uh here I am screaming anyways

The Institute is strange to wake up in. He shouldn’t feel as out of place as he does. After all, he’s stayed the night in Alec’s room once or twice before when they’d both been exhausted and hadn’t wanted to walk or been too tired for a portal. Other times, they simply hadn’t wanted to move from their place on Alec’s bed and fallen asleep without meaning to.

This morning is different, though, Magnus knows. This morning is different because, at least for now, it’s permanent. He can’t get out of bed and whisk them both back to the loft for a private breakfast and the comfort of home.

There is something he  _ can _ do, though.

He shifts, raising his hand to examine it. The magic feels different, looks different, but  _ god _ it’s enough. He snaps his fingers, watching the wisps of yellow rise at his fingertips.  _ Yellow _ . He’d once mocked Lorenzo’s sickly colored magic to Catarina. (“It’s absolutely putrid,” he’d groaned.)

This yellow isn’t the blue he’s always associated with his own magic, with himself. It isn’t the blue that’s always felt a little bit like home, even when he was just a terrified boy who could do nothing but hate what he was.

He shakes his head, refocusing his gaze on the magic.  _ The blue is gone _ , he tells himself.  _ But my magic isn’t. Not anymore _ .

He sits up, leaning back against the headboard as he continues to stare.  _ It’s mine again _ , he thinks as he directs the magic at himself, feeling his familiar armor of eyeliner and styled hair appear perfectly. No more struggling in front of the vanity every morning to feel like even an ounce of himself. No more rushing around the Institute and New York in an attempt to distract himself from how empty he felt inside, because he isn’t. Not anymore.

The drop of blood is as sudden as the night before. It stains the sheet pulled around his waist and he stares, the red vibrant and real and the last thing Magnus wants to see right now.

He just got his magic back  _ goddamn it. _ He will not--he  _ could not _ \--go through that again. Not today. Maybe not ever.

Beside him, Alec stirs. Magnus jumps from the bed, sending a quick burst of magic to remove the spot of blood as he disappears into Alec’s bathroom.

Maybe it was nothing, maybe it would go away in a matter of days. Maybe he could hold onto this feeling.

But looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, at the trail of blood under his nose, Magnus knows. This can’t last. It won’t. He just hopes he’ll be strong enough to face it, even though he knows he isn’t. No one is.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated 💖  
> Find me on Tumblr and Twitter @banesapothecary!


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